Why Routines Help Some People and Hurt Others

We hear a lot about the benefits of having a routine.

For some people, routines can feel grounding. They create predictability, reduce decision-

making, and make everyday life feel a little more manageable.

But for others, routines can feel like just another thing to fail at.

Maybe you’ve created the “perfect” morning routine only to feel guilty when you sleep in.

Maybe your carefully planned schedule leaves you frustrated when something unexpected

happens. Or perhaps having too many rules around how your day should look makes you feel

more overwhelmed rather than less.

So, if routines are supposed to help us, why don’t they work for everyone?

The answer may be that the goal isn’t to create a perfect routine. It’s to create a routine that

supports you.

Why routines can be helpful

There is a reason routines are often recommended as part of supporting our mental health.

Having some consistency in our day can provide a sense of predictability. When we already

know roughly when we’re going to eat, sleep, work, exercise, or have time to relax, we don’t

have to make as many decisions throughout the day.

Routines can also help create a sense of stability when other parts of life feel uncertain.

Even something as simple as having a regular bedtime or morning routine can provide anchors

throughout the day. The Mental Health Commission of Canada notes that routines can support

sleep, while also emphasizing that routines need to be individualized and aren’t a solution for

every mental health concern.

For some people, routines can also make it easier to follow through on things that support their

well-being.

Instead of asking yourself every evening, “Should I go to bed now?”, a consistent bedtime can

make the decision feel more automatic.

Instead of wondering when you’re going to eat lunch, having a general routine around meals

can make it easier to notice and respond to your body’s needs.

A routine can take some of the mental work out of everyday life.

But routines aren’t automatically helpful

The problem isn’t necessarily having a routine.

Sometimes, it’s how much power the routine has over us.

A flexible routine might sound like:

“I usually go for a walk after work because it helps me unwind.”

A rigid routine might sound like:

“I have to go for a walk after work, even if I’m exhausted, because that’s what my schedule

says.”

The activity hasn’t changed.

The relationship with the activity has.

When a routine becomes rigid, missing one part of it can feel like you’ve failed. Instead of

providing support, the routine can become another source of pressure.

You might start thinking:

“I already messed up my morning, so the whole day is ruined.”

“I didn’t exercise today, so I was lazy.”

“I didn’t get everything done on my list, so I’m behind.”

This is where a routine intended to support your well-being can begin contributing to stress.

When structure becomes perfectionism

For people who struggle with perfectionism, routines can sometimes become another way of

measuring whether they’re “doing enough.”

You might start with a simple goal of creating more structure in your day.

Then the routine grows.

Suddenly, your self-care routine has become a second job.

There is nothing wrong with wanting structure or having goals. The problem comes when the

routine becomes so demanding that you feel guilty, anxious, or inadequate when you can’t

follow it perfectly.

A routine should support your life.

Your life shouldn’t have to revolve around maintaining your routine.

What about ADHD?

For some people with ADHD, routines can be especially complicated.

Structure can be helpful because it can reduce the number of decisions that need to be made

and provide external reminders for things that are easy to forget.

At the same time, maintaining a rigid routine can be difficult when attention, motivation,

energy, or circumstances change.

You may need a routine that is easier to return to when life inevitably interrupts it.

Instead of creating a routine that only works on your best days, consider creating one that can

adapt to your harder days too.

A routine doesn’t have to mean doing everything at the same time every day

Sometimes we think of routines as strict schedules, but a routine can be much simpler.

Instead of:

7:00 — wake up

7:15 — exercise

7:45 — shower

8:00 — breakfast

8:30 — work

you might have:

Morning: wake up, eat something, get ready, and give yourself a few minutes before starting

the day.

The second version still provides structure without requiring every minute to happen exactly as

planned.

The goal is not consistency at all costs. It can be having enough structure to feel supported

while leaving enough flexibility to be human.

What happens when life changes?

One of the biggest tests of a routine is what happens when your life doesn’t cooperate.

A routine that only works when everything goes according to plan isn’t necessarily a very

flexible routine.

Sometimes, the healthier skill isn’t learning how to stick to your routine no matter what.

It’s learning how to adjust your routine when your needs change.

Flexibility doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Flexibility is part of taking care of yourself.

So, how do you know if your routine is helping you?

Try asking yourself:

o Does my routine make my day feel more manageable?

o Can I change my plans without becoming extremely distressed?

o Do I feel supported by my routine or controlled by it?

o What happens emotionally when I don’t complete everything?

o Am I creating this routine because it works for me or because I think I should be doing

these things?

o Does my routine leave room for rest, spontaneity, and relationships?

o Can I adapt it when my energy or circumstances change?

o Am I using my routine to care for myself or to judge myself?

These questions can help you look beyond whether you have a routine and consider whether

the routine is actually serving you.

Maybe you don’t need a perfect routine

There is a lot of pressure to have the “right” routine.

The perfect morning routine.

The perfect sleep schedule.

The perfect Sunday reset.

The perfect productivity system.

But there isn’t one routine that works for everyone.

Your routine might need to change depending on your work schedule, responsibilities, energy,

mental health, relationships, or stage of life.

And that’s okay.

A routine can provide structure without becoming a set of rules.

It can give you something to come back to without making you feel like you’ve failed when you

step away from it. The goal isn’t to build a life that fits perfectly into a routine. It’s to build a routine that fits into

your life.

If your routines are leaving you feeling overwhelmed, guilty, anxious, or like you’re constantly

falling behind, it may be worth exploring what those expectations are really telling you.

Sometimes, creating a healthier routine isn’t about adding more.

It may be about giving yourself permission to do less, leave room for flexibility, and recognize

that taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be perfect.

At Anchoridge Counselling Services, we believe that meaningful change often begins with small,

intentional steps. Whether you’re navigating anxiety, stress, relationship challenges, or life

transitions, our team is here to provide compassionate, client-centred support. Together, we can

help you build practical strategies that support your well-being and create lasting change at a

pace that feels right for you.

Supports:

At the end of the day, you don’t have to navigate difficult feelings alone. Reaching out for

support is a meaningful step, whether you’re feeling overwhelmed or just need someone to

listen.

Here are a few options available to you:

Suicide Crisis Line (Canada): https://988.ca/

Reach Out (24/7 support): https://reachout247.ca/

Support Line (Certified Listeners): https://certifiedlisteners.org/

Sources

Mental Health Commission of Canada — Sleep and Mental Health: What’s the Connection?

American Psychological Association — 6 Mental Health Tips Psychologists Use

American Psychological Association — 10 Tips for Dealing With the Stress of Uncertainty

American Psychological Association — Healthy Ways to Handle Life’s Stressors

American Psychological Association — How Stress Affects Your Health